So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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