she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
