i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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