I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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