so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
