Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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