I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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