i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
