Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
