as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
