Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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