youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I die, sorry about rent.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
