I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
