Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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