how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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