who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
