you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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