I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
