Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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