Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
