were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
