You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
