Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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