You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
