The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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