i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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