Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
