I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My boob is missing a layer of skin
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
