My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
