The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
