I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
