Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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