That's intense
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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