Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
