She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
