Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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