woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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