Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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