you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My apartment stinks of burning failure
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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