It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
