dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
