I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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