I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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