If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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