I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
