u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
