i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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