somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
