1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
