The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
