apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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