i just had sex bonerless
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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