if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
