and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
