When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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